Let me first say that I do not believe in writer's block. Yes, I have sat at my desk, staring at the computer for hours and have nothing but a headache to show for it. That is not writer's block. Sure, I have had days, maybe even weeks when my production level stooped way below the norm or to nothing at all. Not writer's block. Currently, I'm struggling with story idea and protagonists goals/motivation as well as the antagonists goals/motivation to the point where I haven't done much productive writing in a few days. Actually, I think I have driven myself a bit crazy with this one, but that is not writer's block.
I've heard writers say they can only write when the "creative" mood strikes. If I waited for my creative mood to strike, I'd be waiting a very long time. I've heard writers say they can only write in the daytime, or morning, or evening, or when it's perfectly quiet and the stars are.... OK. I write best early in the morning. I know this, so I'm not saying these things don't work, or are not true. What I am saying, is that if you want to write, you will.
When you are struggling with writing. The words are not flowing. You're characters are not talking to you. Or plot doesn't make sense. You have no words on the page and your head is about to explode is not writer's block. It's the writer in you telling you that something isn't working. So, dig and figure it out. Take a couple of steps backwards. Maybe go back to the beginning and follow the path you took. Could be simply you created a fork in the road that doesn't exist. Maybe you are pushing your character to do something that doesn't work for them. Maybe you just needed to rethink something.
Writer's block is a state of mind which brings me to Warrior-Writer. Writing is work. It's hard. It's stressful. Some days you feel like doing it, other days you don't. Some days the words flow like Niagara Falls, other days it's like watching paint dry. It's like any other job in the world. Sometimes you're great, sometimes you suck. Today, I suck. Just one of those days. Tomorrow, I'll probably be great, and so goes the roller coaster ride we call life....
Now, I don't want to upset anyone. I have been told I'm wrong about this and that writer's block does exist. I respectfully disagree. If you change your mindset, change the way you think, how you do things, you can work through whatever writing problem you have. Following @Iwhodareswins (Bob Mayer) with regard to Warrior-Writer and really digging deep to apply this to myself (not just the craft) has forced me to understand some simple basic truths. Everything I ask of my characters, I need to ask of myself and I need to put those answers on paper. By doing so, my mind set changes, issues are resolved, writing will flow.
Where am I right now? I've gone back to idea. What is it about this idea that excited me to begin with? What is that I hope to gain from writing this book? Why am I writing it? Why is this important? Because it is helping me understand why I'm having a problem with story idea. It will come to me. I have faith, but I have to sit down and do the work. If I don't do the work, then I will come up with an excuse --- writer's block.
I am standing in my own way. Not some mental thing (though that could be argued). Not some cosmic power. Me. Only me.
However, I am a Warrior-Writer. I will do this. I will cut open artery and bleed onto the page. I will.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
DEVELOPING IDEA THE WARRIOR-WRITER WAY
Even with a few publishing credits to my name and a few more contracted books, I still struggle with developing novels. Honestly, so does every writer. Each book faces new challenges.
For two years I focused solely on the craft of writing. It was a gift to myself. I needed to do it to make my writing stronger. Better. The biggest lesson there was that I have much to learn still. Also, applying what you have learned is not always easy. It's hard work.
Which brings me to where I am right now. I'm working on a new book. It is a paranormal romantic suspense. I think. It is still evolving. During the process of developing this idea I came to realize that not only did my writing have to change (improve) but so did I. One of the reasons I wasn't moving forward in my writing was because not everything I was doing had purpose. We are told that every scene must have purpose, it must move the story/characters forward. Well does the process of writing. What I do, how I develop my stories must move me forward, not in circles. I tend to write in circles, but had no idea why.
I'm still not sure I know why, but last night I came to a conclusion. One of the reasons my writing wasn't improving was because I wasn't really open to developing it fully. I would state my idea in a few sentences, get conflict, then think I was done. My mind wasn't open to all the possibilities, even though I thought it was. I was stuck on one thing.
I realized the book I had been working on last year died a painful death because I couldn't see past my idea. Bob Mayer (@Iwhodareswins) teaches that idea is not story. I have always believed him. Give 5 writers the same idea you will have 5 very different stories. However, I never thought that I might have a different story. Last night I realized that ideas need tweaking. They need to evolve and you have to be open to what your subconscious is telling you.
Now, do I have a great handle on what I am doing? No. But I am spending more time with idea and characters, developing them before I write myself into a corner because I really didn't know what I was writing and why. Very important things for a writer to know for themselves in order to make a better book.
For two years I focused solely on the craft of writing. It was a gift to myself. I needed to do it to make my writing stronger. Better. The biggest lesson there was that I have much to learn still. Also, applying what you have learned is not always easy. It's hard work.
Which brings me to where I am right now. I'm working on a new book. It is a paranormal romantic suspense. I think. It is still evolving. During the process of developing this idea I came to realize that not only did my writing have to change (improve) but so did I. One of the reasons I wasn't moving forward in my writing was because not everything I was doing had purpose. We are told that every scene must have purpose, it must move the story/characters forward. Well does the process of writing. What I do, how I develop my stories must move me forward, not in circles. I tend to write in circles, but had no idea why.
I'm still not sure I know why, but last night I came to a conclusion. One of the reasons my writing wasn't improving was because I wasn't really open to developing it fully. I would state my idea in a few sentences, get conflict, then think I was done. My mind wasn't open to all the possibilities, even though I thought it was. I was stuck on one thing.
I realized the book I had been working on last year died a painful death because I couldn't see past my idea. Bob Mayer (@Iwhodareswins) teaches that idea is not story. I have always believed him. Give 5 writers the same idea you will have 5 very different stories. However, I never thought that I might have a different story. Last night I realized that ideas need tweaking. They need to evolve and you have to be open to what your subconscious is telling you.
Now, do I have a great handle on what I am doing? No. But I am spending more time with idea and characters, developing them before I write myself into a corner because I really didn't know what I was writing and why. Very important things for a writer to know for themselves in order to make a better book.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
IN TWO WEEKS Available now and Warrior Writer Wanna Be
I just received copies of my second book IN TWO WEEKS. In honor of this great day, I will be giving away a free PDF file of REKINDLED to anyone who purchases IN TWO WEEKS and vice verse. Just click on the buy links.
OK, so not really a wanna be, although I have yet to take Bob Mayer's Warrior-Writer workshop. It sounds fabulous and I do plan on taking it in the near future. I have had the pleasure of taking many of Bob's workshops over the years, including his writing retreat which focuses on the writing more than the writer. I'm still trying to put all his excellent teachings into my current WIP. I actually have some sticky notes I made of questions he had asked me regarding a manuscript taped to my screen. Questions I should be asking myself every time I write.
I have spent the last two years of my writing career focusing on the craft of writing. I have learned that there will always be something new for me to learn. I have learned that I have mastered little. I have also learned that I write, therefore I am a writer. I think sometimes it's the writer that gets in their own way. We seek validation, except the only validation we need is from ourselves. No one else is going to give it to us.
I have gone through a lot of changes in my professional life. A breakup with my agent. A publisher that went bankrupt. Along with changes in what I'm writing as well as my writing style. I have also had some changes in my personal life, which can sometimes affect the professional one. They are never as separate as we would like them.
I seem to have come to a point where it's my approach to the writing that needs to change. Which brings me to Bob's Warrior-Writer workshop. I have been a fan of Bob's books since the early 90's. I have been a fan of his teaching since I started writing back in 2004. Every time I have heard him speak, I have learned something new about writing, about publishing, and about myself as a writer.
One thing that just clicked recently, but I've heard him say it at least a dozen times, is that many writers never change their writing. I think he said something like they just move their chairs around on the Titanic. Kind of defeats the purpose. In order to reach a goal, you need to move toward that goal. You need to take action and part of that action is a willingness to change. If I don't change, I will continue to make the same mistake over and over again. Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If I want to get to the next level in my writing, I need to change something. I need to take action.
So, what does that mean for me right now? Well, I am writing in 1st person, which I think is my voice, though I have fought it for years, but it does seem to be a natural tendency for me. The majority of ideas I have come up with lend themselves to 1st person, or omniscient POV, which Bob tells me are very close. I'm still struggling with that concept, but I will take his word for it. Actually, I'm starting to fall into that line of thinking since I have started to take a good hard look at POV. Something I had thought I understood. Actually, understanding the types of POV is not mastering them. Not even close. There is a blood lesson for you.
Change is hard. I think we all fight it. The old saying, "if it works, don't fix it" comes to mind, but what if what you think is working, isn't really working, it's an illusion? I've always considered myself an open-minded person. Lately, I am realizing I'm not as open-minded as I thought. I need to make some hard changes in my writing. While I still need to learn and study the craft. I need to study myself as a writer. Where am I failing? What is my blind spot? What is it that keeps me from getting past the point where I am right now? The only way I am going to write a better book is if I continue to study the craft and learn to change the way I write. Open my mind to all the possibilities. Knowing craft, and applying craft to oneself are two different things. I need to focus on the later.
If you want to learn more about Bob Mayer's unique workshops, check out his website. I can tell you from experience, it will change your life. Also, Kristen Lamb has a whole blog set up regarding the Warrior-Writer experience. She is one incredibly smart lady. Read her blog. Very informative.
OK, so not really a wanna be, although I have yet to take Bob Mayer's Warrior-Writer workshop. It sounds fabulous and I do plan on taking it in the near future. I have had the pleasure of taking many of Bob's workshops over the years, including his writing retreat which focuses on the writing more than the writer. I'm still trying to put all his excellent teachings into my current WIP. I actually have some sticky notes I made of questions he had asked me regarding a manuscript taped to my screen. Questions I should be asking myself every time I write.
I have spent the last two years of my writing career focusing on the craft of writing. I have learned that there will always be something new for me to learn. I have learned that I have mastered little. I have also learned that I write, therefore I am a writer. I think sometimes it's the writer that gets in their own way. We seek validation, except the only validation we need is from ourselves. No one else is going to give it to us.
I have gone through a lot of changes in my professional life. A breakup with my agent. A publisher that went bankrupt. Along with changes in what I'm writing as well as my writing style. I have also had some changes in my personal life, which can sometimes affect the professional one. They are never as separate as we would like them.
I seem to have come to a point where it's my approach to the writing that needs to change. Which brings me to Bob's Warrior-Writer workshop. I have been a fan of Bob's books since the early 90's. I have been a fan of his teaching since I started writing back in 2004. Every time I have heard him speak, I have learned something new about writing, about publishing, and about myself as a writer.
One thing that just clicked recently, but I've heard him say it at least a dozen times, is that many writers never change their writing. I think he said something like they just move their chairs around on the Titanic. Kind of defeats the purpose. In order to reach a goal, you need to move toward that goal. You need to take action and part of that action is a willingness to change. If I don't change, I will continue to make the same mistake over and over again. Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If I want to get to the next level in my writing, I need to change something. I need to take action.
So, what does that mean for me right now? Well, I am writing in 1st person, which I think is my voice, though I have fought it for years, but it does seem to be a natural tendency for me. The majority of ideas I have come up with lend themselves to 1st person, or omniscient POV, which Bob tells me are very close. I'm still struggling with that concept, but I will take his word for it. Actually, I'm starting to fall into that line of thinking since I have started to take a good hard look at POV. Something I had thought I understood. Actually, understanding the types of POV is not mastering them. Not even close. There is a blood lesson for you.
Change is hard. I think we all fight it. The old saying, "if it works, don't fix it" comes to mind, but what if what you think is working, isn't really working, it's an illusion? I've always considered myself an open-minded person. Lately, I am realizing I'm not as open-minded as I thought. I need to make some hard changes in my writing. While I still need to learn and study the craft. I need to study myself as a writer. Where am I failing? What is my blind spot? What is it that keeps me from getting past the point where I am right now? The only way I am going to write a better book is if I continue to study the craft and learn to change the way I write. Open my mind to all the possibilities. Knowing craft, and applying craft to oneself are two different things. I need to focus on the later.
If you want to learn more about Bob Mayer's unique workshops, check out his website. I can tell you from experience, it will change your life. Also, Kristen Lamb has a whole blog set up regarding the Warrior-Writer experience. She is one incredibly smart lady. Read her blog. Very informative.
Monday, June 8, 2009
MY THOUGHTS ON E-PUBLISING
Many people have said, are saying, that e-publishing is the wave of the future. Or that it is the future. I don't think so. I think it is part of the future, but books are not going away.
You are all saying to yourselves "But Jenni, you are an e-pubbed author - how could you say such a thing?" Well, because I am an epub and I now there is a pecking order in any business, in any organization, even in families, there are pecking orders.
Now, I'm not knocking e-publishing at all. I made a decision to go into this part of publishing and I am proud of my accomplishments. It was a business decision mixed with a little vanity. Any writer who says they don't care about the vanity part, I don't believe them. We all want to see our names printed on our own book cover. It's cool. Makes us happy.
We as writers decide where to submit our work and we also decide if we are going to sign on the dotted line. That is a choice. It is something that we control. Of course, we don't control who asks for our manuscripts, or who offers the contract, but we can say no. A lesson I learned the hard way.
So, where do I see e-publishing and Print on Demand publishing? It's growing, but right now it's still a niche and a very small part of the market. Sure, many authors are making an ok living writing for e-pubs and small presses, but lets look at what is selling in those venues - erotica. I have written an erotic story and it sold more than my first long book in e-sales, but it's still not the numbers you see with traditional publishers. It's just not. Just a fact.
People then ask, "but what about Kindle? Sony E-reader?" Still, a small market comparatively. Sure, I love my Kindle, but I still buy books. If someone I know and really look up too, I will buy their hardcover and/or paperback because I know what I get for my books on Kindle, and I also know those authors need numbers in the first few weeks, and well, I support my fellow authors. I also support my fellow e-pubbed authors, I just don't think e-publishing is going to take over the world.
Publishing is going to go under some tremendous changes. It has to. Technology is changing. The economy sucks. The way we view the world is changing. Publishing is slow, so it's no surprise that the emergence of e-books will be slow too.
I made a business decision so I could teach locally. Being published with a small press meet the requirements, so it worked for me. I have learned a lot from publishing with The Wild Rose Press. They are a very good company. Do I want to be with a NY Publisher? You bet. Working on that dream right now.
Anyone who asks for advice about if they should go into e-publishing I always ask the same thing. "Do you read e-books?" If you don't, probably not the best fit for you.
Another thing to consider is that you are pretty much on your own with promotion and that is hard work and time consuming. Time I just don't have when I'm trying to write a better book. My publisher does some "company" promo, but that's it. Sure, that is true with some NY Publishers, but they have distribution, something we don't, at least not with print. And really, as much as I love my Kindle, and I do read e-books on my computer, I still love a good book, paper and all.
So, with that said. E-publishing is here to stay. It will grow. But it's not going to take over the world. At least not yet.
You are all saying to yourselves "But Jenni, you are an e-pubbed author - how could you say such a thing?" Well, because I am an epub and I now there is a pecking order in any business, in any organization, even in families, there are pecking orders.
Now, I'm not knocking e-publishing at all. I made a decision to go into this part of publishing and I am proud of my accomplishments. It was a business decision mixed with a little vanity. Any writer who says they don't care about the vanity part, I don't believe them. We all want to see our names printed on our own book cover. It's cool. Makes us happy.
We as writers decide where to submit our work and we also decide if we are going to sign on the dotted line. That is a choice. It is something that we control. Of course, we don't control who asks for our manuscripts, or who offers the contract, but we can say no. A lesson I learned the hard way.
So, where do I see e-publishing and Print on Demand publishing? It's growing, but right now it's still a niche and a very small part of the market. Sure, many authors are making an ok living writing for e-pubs and small presses, but lets look at what is selling in those venues - erotica. I have written an erotic story and it sold more than my first long book in e-sales, but it's still not the numbers you see with traditional publishers. It's just not. Just a fact.
People then ask, "but what about Kindle? Sony E-reader?" Still, a small market comparatively. Sure, I love my Kindle, but I still buy books. If someone I know and really look up too, I will buy their hardcover and/or paperback because I know what I get for my books on Kindle, and I also know those authors need numbers in the first few weeks, and well, I support my fellow authors. I also support my fellow e-pubbed authors, I just don't think e-publishing is going to take over the world.
Publishing is going to go under some tremendous changes. It has to. Technology is changing. The economy sucks. The way we view the world is changing. Publishing is slow, so it's no surprise that the emergence of e-books will be slow too.
I made a business decision so I could teach locally. Being published with a small press meet the requirements, so it worked for me. I have learned a lot from publishing with The Wild Rose Press. They are a very good company. Do I want to be with a NY Publisher? You bet. Working on that dream right now.
Anyone who asks for advice about if they should go into e-publishing I always ask the same thing. "Do you read e-books?" If you don't, probably not the best fit for you.
Another thing to consider is that you are pretty much on your own with promotion and that is hard work and time consuming. Time I just don't have when I'm trying to write a better book. My publisher does some "company" promo, but that's it. Sure, that is true with some NY Publishers, but they have distribution, something we don't, at least not with print. And really, as much as I love my Kindle, and I do read e-books on my computer, I still love a good book, paper and all.
So, with that said. E-publishing is here to stay. It will grow. But it's not going to take over the world. At least not yet.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
RECOMENDATIONS AND SOCIAL MEDIA
I've been spending a fair amount of time lately on Twitter. I think it's an interesting way to communicate ideas, promote products, socialize with business associates, friends, writers... whoever you are, whatever the reasons, Twitter, along with Facebook and Myspace can reach a lot of people very quickly. Of the three, I think Twitter is the easiest and fastest way, although I do like Facebook for a lot of reasons. But to promote myself, and others, I think Twitter is on to something.
I really haven't figured out all the in's and out's of Twitter. I have installed something called Tweetdeck (recommended by a friend) and I like it better than being at my web login thingy, but Tweetdeck is limiting. When I'm not logged onto it, I miss many of my friends tweets. Now, my favorites, I will take the time to go to their profile page and see what they have been up to, but I follow like 900 people, so, can't take the time to check everyone. But overall, I like Tweetdeck.
I have also downloaded TinyTwitter to my Blackberry, but frankly, find it somewhat useless to me. Sure, it's easy to update my status, but find it difficult to truly follow my friends. Not sure what I will do with that. I have a love/hate relationship with my Blackberry. I like being able to use my email anywhere, anytime, just don't always like have my phone vibrate every time I get an email.
One of the things I use Twitter for is to promote my myself. I do have books out, so... I also use it to promote other people. And yes, some of them are my friends. However, some are people I admire and respect, and while I may have met them a time or two, I am promoting them because I believe in what they are doing. I love their books. I love their workshops. What they teach. Whatever.
I can not be a promo person for the world. Really. I can't. I'm sorry. It really isn't anything personal. I don't do this for a living. I'm a passionate person, and when I find something that resonates with me, well I tell people. Take a product called Dry Shampoo! I love it. Anyone who doesn't like washing their hair everyday should buy this product. It's the best. Really. Kid you not. Best thing since sliced bread.
When it comes to books, I pretty much only recommend those I have read. There have been a few times when I've blogged about upcoming releases that I haven't read, but I've either had the chance to discuss the book at length with the author, or know and trust the author will deliver, or it's like my favorite author (too many to mention).
Here is a good example. Anna DeStefano. She has a new book coming out in September titled DARK LEGACY. I am going to promote the hell out of this book. Have I read it? No. But I have discussed it with Anna. I had the pleasure of spending some time with her at a retreat and various conferences over the years. She has been kind enough to talk books with me. I love telling the story when I first meet Anna in Reno. I was reading her book A FAMILY FOR DANIEL. She got a kick out of seeing her book in a reader/writer's hands. I got a kick out of her because she was so dang nice to me. Felt like I was stalker her, because I was trying to find her for like 2 days because I enjoyed the book so much. Just wanted to tell her that.
Anyway, I really like the concept behind DARK LEGACY. I know and trust Anna's writing. I have read every single book she has published and she hasn't failed me. Doubt she ever will. I have listened to Anna lecture on writing, publishing, everything. She knows her stuff. She's one smart lady.
Which leads me into another reason I will retweet certain people. They have something to say that resinates with me. They are smart. Whitty. And have something to offer that I think should be repeated. I don't just retweet. I read what I'm sending out there to my followers.
Of course, there are just some people I get chatty with. It's entertaining, and well, social. You know, I think I'm more social on Twitter than I am in real life. I can walk into a room full of people and not say a single thing all night. But man, on Twitter, sometimes I just won't shut up.
I'm always a bit surprised (happily surprised) when someone (even a friend) retweets my stuff. I don't expect anyone too. I putting it out there to my followers to do with what they want. Hopefully, they will enjoy it. I'm really enjoying Twitter. If you not there, you should give it a try.
I really haven't figured out all the in's and out's of Twitter. I have installed something called Tweetdeck (recommended by a friend) and I like it better than being at my web login thingy, but Tweetdeck is limiting. When I'm not logged onto it, I miss many of my friends tweets. Now, my favorites, I will take the time to go to their profile page and see what they have been up to, but I follow like 900 people, so, can't take the time to check everyone. But overall, I like Tweetdeck.
I have also downloaded TinyTwitter to my Blackberry, but frankly, find it somewhat useless to me. Sure, it's easy to update my status, but find it difficult to truly follow my friends. Not sure what I will do with that. I have a love/hate relationship with my Blackberry. I like being able to use my email anywhere, anytime, just don't always like have my phone vibrate every time I get an email.
One of the things I use Twitter for is to promote my myself. I do have books out, so... I also use it to promote other people. And yes, some of them are my friends. However, some are people I admire and respect, and while I may have met them a time or two, I am promoting them because I believe in what they are doing. I love their books. I love their workshops. What they teach. Whatever.
I can not be a promo person for the world. Really. I can't. I'm sorry. It really isn't anything personal. I don't do this for a living. I'm a passionate person, and when I find something that resonates with me, well I tell people. Take a product called Dry Shampoo! I love it. Anyone who doesn't like washing their hair everyday should buy this product. It's the best. Really. Kid you not. Best thing since sliced bread.
When it comes to books, I pretty much only recommend those I have read. There have been a few times when I've blogged about upcoming releases that I haven't read, but I've either had the chance to discuss the book at length with the author, or know and trust the author will deliver, or it's like my favorite author (too many to mention).
Here is a good example. Anna DeStefano. She has a new book coming out in September titled DARK LEGACY. I am going to promote the hell out of this book. Have I read it? No. But I have discussed it with Anna. I had the pleasure of spending some time with her at a retreat and various conferences over the years. She has been kind enough to talk books with me. I love telling the story when I first meet Anna in Reno. I was reading her book A FAMILY FOR DANIEL. She got a kick out of seeing her book in a reader/writer's hands. I got a kick out of her because she was so dang nice to me. Felt like I was stalker her, because I was trying to find her for like 2 days because I enjoyed the book so much. Just wanted to tell her that.
Anyway, I really like the concept behind DARK LEGACY. I know and trust Anna's writing. I have read every single book she has published and she hasn't failed me. Doubt she ever will. I have listened to Anna lecture on writing, publishing, everything. She knows her stuff. She's one smart lady.
Which leads me into another reason I will retweet certain people. They have something to say that resinates with me. They are smart. Whitty. And have something to offer that I think should be repeated. I don't just retweet. I read what I'm sending out there to my followers.
Of course, there are just some people I get chatty with. It's entertaining, and well, social. You know, I think I'm more social on Twitter than I am in real life. I can walk into a room full of people and not say a single thing all night. But man, on Twitter, sometimes I just won't shut up.
I'm always a bit surprised (happily surprised) when someone (even a friend) retweets my stuff. I don't expect anyone too. I putting it out there to my followers to do with what they want. Hopefully, they will enjoy it. I'm really enjoying Twitter. If you not there, you should give it a try.
Monday, June 1, 2009
IN TWO WEEKS - Release date June 26, 2009
ISBN# 1-60154-542-8Excerpt from IN TWO WEEKS by Jenni Holbrook
Chapter One
Ryan O’Connor shut her cell, dropping it in her purse. She smoothed down the front of her new jean miniskirt in a lame attempt to calm her nerves. She hated hang-ups and this was the third one today.
She adjusted her overpriced, lace-trimmed camisole top. The expensive cotton caressed her skin as if it were silk. She glanced in the mirror one more time, then pointed a finger at herself. “I hope you know what you’re doing, sister.” She grabbed her purse, flicked off the lights, and headed out the door.
A sudden burst of cool Lake George air smacked against her skin and goose bumps trickled down her arms. In this part of New York, spring temperatures ranged from freezing to bathing suit weather, but she’d always enjoyed the diversity.
The moon shone high in the dark cloudless sky, casting an eerie glow. A small fishing boat hummed along the shoreline while she walked the half mile from her rented carriage house to her brother’s restaurant, The Mason Jug.
The sound of rubber spinning wildly on the pavement caught her attention. Headlights flashed on, almost blinding her as a car whizzed by, sending pebbles in the air, pelting her legs. The wind swirled as the car sped past.
She jumped to the side. “Jerk,” she muttered, bringing her fingers through her hair. Hopefully, she’d gotten all the strands back in the proper place. She wanted to look perfect. Sexy. She glanced over her shoulder and listened to the tires screech as the car rounded the corner and out of sight. Idiot didn’t even honk his horn.
She gave up on the hair and slowed her steps to a snail’s pace. Propositioning Jared Blake last night hadn’t been her most brilliant idea. He barely even viewed her as a grownup, much less a bed partner. Not that it mattered. The hunky state trooper had accepted a job transfer and would be moving in two weeks.
Broken gravel crunched under her shoes as she made her way up the path toward the main door of the converted old barn. Her brother had done a bang-up job of remodeling. He had spent a small fortune on making the building look like a cozy log cabin. He’d even put in fresh perennials around the entire building. The bright neon sign hanging above the doorway was the only indication that this structure was indeed a bar and not a home. Well that and this stupid gravel parking lot. She’d begged her brother to pave it, but he thought it added to the rustic feel of the place.
The smell of baby back ribs sizzling on the grill assaulted her nose. There wasn’t anything better than a barbecue on a cool spring night.
She clasped her hand on the doorknob, knowing her best friend Penny had been up to something. She turned her wrist and pushed back the door.
“Surprise! Happy birthday!”
She gasped, covered her mouth, and did her best to look shocked. Penny leaped at her, hurling her into the door. “Geez, let me breathe, would ya?” Ryan laughed as she glanced at all the balloons dancing against the rugged beams. The inside of the Mason Jug still looked more like a barn, but that was part of the charm.
Her friends pulled at her like the rope in a game of tug-of-war. Although not a surprise, the party did give her a chance to relax. She’d never planned a one-night stand before. Heck, she’d never had one. But what scared her the most, Jared hadn’t run for the hills when she suggested they take a walk on the wild side.
Although, he hadn’t agreed to participate in anything. Actually, he’d chuckled, kissed her temple, and left her leaning against her door, breathless. He probably thought she’d been joking since he had ignored the proposition.
“Wow, Pen. Great job.” Ryan checked out the decorations. Fresh red and white flowers filled the center of every table and booth, matching the checkered table cloths. Leave it to Penny to make sure nothing clashed. A big happy birthday sign dangled above the bar. “I can’t believe you did this?”
“Yeah, well.” Penny shrugged. “Come on, let’s mingle.”
Ryan spent the next hour alternating between laughing and looking over her shoulder for Jared. Just once, she would have liked him to put something before his job. She winced. Sex with her probably wasn’t high on his to-do list.
She licked her fingers after stuffing her mouth with the best chocolate cake in town. “This is from the baker we use at the hotel.” She poked Penny in the arm. “Who’d you get to help you with all this?”
“Not telling. Did I surprise you?”
“Not really.” The front door opened and her stomach jumped into her throat. She held her breath for a long moment, but it wasn’t Jared who had stepped into the restaurant. Closing her eyes, she exhaled. What had she been thinking offering herself up like a desperate schoolgirl? And to Jared of all people. She blinked open her eyes only to find Penny looking at her as if she were some pathetic spinster or something. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you feel sorry for me or something.”
“Well, I did hear that Jared took a transfer to some unit in Rochester, New York. And he’s selling the house. You okay?” Penny offered a hug.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Ryan pulled away.
Penny tilted her head. “Please, it’s me you’re talking to. I know you’ve got the hots for him.”
Ryan used to think he’d never be able to see her as anything other than his best friend’s dorky kid sister. “And I’m going to have him tonight. Who’s the stud?” She pointed to some guy who had “Penny’s latest” written all over him.
With a sparkling, pearly-white smile, Penny responded, “Chuck. I told you about him…” Her jaw dropped and her big brown eyes looked like they were going to pop right out of her head. “What did you say?”
Ryan tried not to laugh. “I talked Jared into spending some ‘quality time’ alone’ time with me.”
“He agreed to do the dirty with you?”
“Not exactly.” Ryan quickly glanced around the room. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Hey, you brought it up.” Penny rested both hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “Did you ask him to sleep with you?”
Ryan tugged at Penny’s arm, pulling her to a table. “Not in so many words, but I think he understood my drift.” Ryan narrowed her eyes. “I just took your advice.”
Penny sat down and stared at her. “What, that romance is overrated, and sex is not, and that you should give it a try sometime?”
“Yep, that would be what you said.” Ryan shook her head. “You told me to stop going after the boring tax accountant type.”
“That didn’t really include Mr. Loner.” Penny leaned into the table with a scowl. “Your brother’s right.”
“About what?”
“Get Jared off ‘God’ status, because he’s just a man, a man who isn’t interested, and there are a dozen men out there who are.”
“Wait one minute. You told me to put my cards on the table.” Ryan folded her arms. “You’ve always said I should ask for what I want.”
Penny sighed. “That’s the problem, hon. You don’t want sex with him. You want him for the long haul.”
“Long haul and Jared don’t mix.” Ryan took a deep breath and put on her best smile. “He’s moving in two weeks. Besides, I know exactly what I’m doing. Now tell me about this Chuck guy.”
Penny pursed her lips. “Fine, but don’t come running to me when he breaks your heart.” Her eyes shifted past Ryan. “Chuck is hot.”
“You like him a lot?”
Penny’s eyes twinkled. “That’s the difference between you and me. I never go into something thinking he’s the one.” She winked. “But someday I’ll find my frog when I least expect it.” She stood and stared down at Ryan. “Now get drunk and forget about Jared.”
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